PDF Progress in Self Psychology, V. 7: The Evolution of Self Psychology

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PSP 5: Kriegman, D. PSP 6: Kriegman, D. PSP Kulka, R. PSP 7: Back to top. L Lachman, F. PSP 6: Lachmann, A. There are so many guides on how to love ones self online, and they all start with 'make a list of your achievements' in order to feel better, utterly ignoring the difference between self acceptance and self esteem, two vastly different concepts.

I am so glad to have found this after a lot of searching. I knew it to be true, but I was worried that I was wrong or I was the only one thinking it and that it was impossible to release yourself from your own judgement. But clearly it is! Thank you again. I have kept this so I can re-read it. There was so much to take in. I have also sent it to all of my friends as I think that everyone has this issue to a certain extent.

That's how we were brought up. I've had some problems with depression in the past and I needed to seek for some help in order to get back on track. Pretty soon I realized that the cause of all my problems lies within myself and since then I've been I've been trying to get to know my mind better and identify and root out whats stopping me from feeling good. I got out of the depression phase a few years ago and feel kinda "normal" now, but still empty and not satisfied, a bit clueless about myself and my life.

I've been trying to understand myself and my mind better ever since and feel that I'm slowly evolving to some direction. But this post really hit the spot. The problem descibed here is what I've been sensing about myself for a while now, but until this never really managed to pinpoint and define. I find this to be very inspiring and well writen piece and I would like to pursue this approach. I found some other articles on the same subject but I have to agree with Curious - there's a need for a more practical approach as well.

After reading this I'm constantly noticing lot of different thoughts circling in my mind that are not those of a self-accepting person. The problem seems to be quite widespread, it's the way how I regret things I've done or left undone in the past, it's how I tend to got upset about my mistakes and doubt in my actions, it's how I try to impress people and how I'm afraid to show them some aspects of myself, it's how I can't feel self-confident in many situations and how I find it difficult to relax and enjoy myself - it's lurking almost everywhere.

I'm motivated to try and deal with all this because I feel it's the only way to go, but there are lot of different things here and can't possibly try to threat them all at once, or at least that's how it appears to me at the moment.

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I still have more questions than answers. Where is the best place to start? I should probably try to identify and address these anti-selfacceptant thought patterns, but how? Can I categorize these thoughts somehow, try to find some common causes for them? What are the best techniques, tricks and exercises to be used?

I would really need some practical advice, techniques to practice and guidelines to follow so I could try to set myself on the right tracks for my ride into this process. Can you suggest any solid Internet resources or literature for this kind of advice? Inasmuch as you were probably psychologically wounded in the context of relationships most likely going back to your family of origin? If you don't have the financial resources to do this, you might check out what outpatient mental health resources your community offers, where a sliding payment scale exists. This was amazingly helpful.

Thank you. I find it sad that 12 Step programs focus on the defectiveness of the individual and not on acceptance. Thank you for the post and getting the topic in motion. The comments and responses have deepened and intensified the subject and really brought a few things to light for me. Please every one, keep adding. I need the help! I live in a bubble. I fill my life with self nourishment and positive direction. I have a lovely life, it's nothing most would accept or like, but I'm quite enjoying the ride. When I leave my bubble life and while on the outside, in the world.

I curiously find two reactions to my forward bubbly self. Either people are right in there with me, having a great time. Or they completely shun me. I used to take the 'shun' as a negative critical error with my conduct. But, nah, no longer. I just walk away feeling, well, not much anymore. There was a time when life was not like this, it was not a bubble life it was a closed life, and the difference was my reactions to other peoples praise or non-praise.

Oh, how that has left me. I don't look for my worth in others, I don't seek validation in others. That's all, human behavior is a physical thing and eventually it hits the mind and soul. Eventually, so self love was more of a game of patience then anything. There is no time for a bad thought.

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If you think about all the time wasted on negative thinking it will eat you up from the inside out. It doesn't mean there will be bad times, sorrowful moments. It just means they will not dictate who you are or how you are. They will not become habit. Which is where we all mistakenly come from. To dump the pity traps in life there is only one answer.

When you act happy, life gets so easy things happen as if by magic. Life becomes like a bowl of cherries. It does not weaken you, it strengthens you. So "be happy", "put on a happy face". It's the answer and a sweet simple answer. It also brings joyful clarity. And joyful clarity gets HUGE accomplishment in all areas.

And when you feel the necessity of delirious sorrow and self recrimination, don't think it as uncomfortable, but calmly use it to your advantage as a personal inventory of sorts. Then don't do anything about it, just be happy again. Bring in the self love, suck it up and then it will project outwards. It's not about "being" good, doing the "right" thing, self sacrificing yourself to others. That will not happen. It's about living and teaching and giving when you can give your all and be happy about it.

Many gifts follow happiness. Self acceptance is one, honour and integrity are another and accepting others choices is also there on the list of benefits. No ill feelings, "it is what is is not" meaning whatever anyone said or did usually is not who or what they are. Knowing that you can let things go with compassion. Get a good feeling, have a good life. Just read Albert Ellis' writings on the topic. All of these goofs are repackaging his ideas, which he originated. Seltzer, I intend to link your very useful and well-presented article to one on which I am presently working.

In addition, with your permission, I would like to quote your description of self-acceptance: "Self-acceptance is unconditional, free of any qualification. Thank you very much. Yes, I'm happy to give you permission to quote from this post, as well as cite--or link to--the original piece. Your article has given me the courage to begin radically accepting myself. For anyone who has made an extremely embarrassing mistake based on poor judgment, the aftermath is a prickly and harrowing experience.

I caused a serious mistake from which I am suffering the consequences. Interestingly, post mistake, I have become so very grateful for my life. I never realized how lucky I am. The external, perfectionist "crap" that I would find fault in towards others and myself, has dissolved. I have the most amazing support system who are forgiving enough of themselves to still believe in me even though my mistake is not resolved.

In the thick of my dilemma, I cannot afford NOT to completely accept myself. By beginning to accept myself, despite the doubt in my abilities expressed by others, I stop beating myself up. I stop the shameful, guilty, "less than" attitude. Don't get me wrong, believing in one's self, when many have written you off, is scary. But, I don't think I would have understood the depths of this article's message had I not been where I am, right now. From my own experience, acceptance is the life-jacket in surviving a difficult situation.

I hope you write another article on radical acceptance as a tool to living honest and true to one's self. Thank you! This message is shockingly misguided. We are indeed, as individuals, to blame for quite a lot. That is what it means to be responsible for one's life. If we are just machines with no "blame", then we have no responsibilities, but deserve no rights either, and no "acceptance" or "love" as well. If we are not to "blame" for our mistakes and failings, then we can not take credit for our successes and virtues either.

We become mere worthless machines, with no responsibilities or will. I would argue that there can never, ever be any "path" to unconditional self acceptance. It must happen here and now, in every moment, or not at all!!! Any "path" implies a process leading to progress towards a goal , which is ALWAYS in the future, which implies and requires the existence of disapproval of the individual's current state of being.

Unconditional self acceptance actually means that there is no more "self" for you to work on at all. To totally accept yourself is to completely forget about the mental construct you call "yourself", entirely, once and for all. Any notion of a future transformation which will bring about unconditional self acceptance is a complete and utter trap. Radical and unconditional self acceptance means to break the habit of constructing a mental image of the self, because the entire basis for that image's existence is self consciousness and self judgement as in, for example, the thought "I am working towards unconditional self acceptance, and by applying the methods discussed in this article , I will get there someday" , which implies that you are a work in progress, and always will be, because it means you do NOT accept yourself in the present moment, unconditionally.

Until this subtle point is understood and digested you will never,ever reach the goal in question, because it amounts to a "future you" that your mind will always project into the future, and thus perpetuate the concept of an imperfect, disapproving self, striving for unconditional self acceptance. Leon F. What makes your anxiety triumph over anger—and vice versa? Have you ever acted out of spite? Who hasn't? Was it, finally, worth it? When might you need defensive anger to protect yourself from your partner? Back Psychology Today.

Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Back Magazine. Subscribe Issue Archive. Back Today. When Should You Share a Secret? What Is Catastrophizing? Leon F Seltzer Ph. Follow me on Twitter. Friend me on Faceook. If you go deeper, and go past subjective evaluations based on standards and beliefs and performance rooted in external experience, you get to real self-love, which is stepping toward spiritual maturity. You are it. Feeling good about yourself shouldn't be a struggle.

You are not your resources Submitted by John Freilander on October 20, - am. Submitted by Yolanda Jansen on October 20, - am. Thank you John Freilander, for your thoughts and advice. More on self-acceptance vs. Diamond Ph. Well its a nice blog and it is very useful too The Submitted by Anonymous on December 29, - pm. If the first 'blog' is changed to 'www', the above link should work. Self acceptance isn't about Submitted by Tom on June 5, - am.

It doesn't mean the person Submitted by Anonymous on October 9, - pm. Ayesha Giselle Life Coach. You are not your body Submitted by John Freilander on October 20, - am. Because those things you won't get are probably not what would make you happy anyway. I disagree with you, there Submitted by Tom on June 5, - am. I actually Submitted by Opacity on March 27, - am. So Hitler just couldn't Submitted by meerkat on September 17, - am. Hitler was not his resources Submitted by John Freilander on October 20, - am.

Great post Submitted by StephanJade on October 28, - pm. Interesting article you got here. It would be great to read more concerning this matter. The article made a FEW specific suggestions: - tell yourself that you've done the best you could given the circumstances - be self-pardoning But I hate "tips" like, "Stop grading yourself" and "see yourself as good enough now". I would suggest the following to reach a state of self acceptance: 1. Meditation 1method Submitted by Kath on September 8, - am. Submitted by DF on June 18, - pm.


Name it and claim it. It isn't impossible. Submitted by Stewart Bone on March 14, - am. Acceptance Submitted by David Saunders on May 8, - pm. Thank you for helping me get out of the slump. God bless you. Self-acceptance is a form of faith Submitted by Jinty on March 24, - am. I'm drowning in a sea of joy. Thank you!! I truly enjoyed your article Submitted by Larissa on April 12, - pm.

Good its a great post Well its a great post Thanks Submitted by Tom on June 5, - am. Where to find practical advice? Submitted by J. Marilyn Charles. Clinical Values. Self and Motivational Systems. Prelogical Experience. Edward S. The Clinical Problem of Masochism. Deanna Holtzman. The Quiet Revolution in American Psychoanalysis. Arnold M. When Panic Attacks. The Ten Types of Human. Dexter Dias. Psychoanalysis: Critical Conversations. Arnold D Richards. Beyond the Symbiotic Orbit. Embodiment, Emotion, and Cognition. Michelle Maiese. The Blokehead. The Anatomy of Psychotherapy. Lawrence Friedman.

The Interpreted World. Ernesto Spinelli. The Stressed Sex. Daniel Freeman. Personality: A Topical Approach. Robert B. No More Narcissists! Candace V. Progress in Self Psychology, V. William J. The Line. Dr Ian Gargan. A New Freudian Synthesis. Andrew B. Affect in Psychoanalysis. Charles Spezzano. The Biology of Clinical Encounters. John E. Awakening the Dreamer. Reflections on Self Psychology Psychology Revivals. Karl Sabbagh.

Cyclical Psychodynamics and the Contextual Self. Barriers to Loving. Stephen B. Understanding Therapeutic Action Psychology Revivals. Lawrence E. The Intersubjective Perspective. Robert D. Phobias: Study and Cure. Emanuele Viesti. Understanding Abnormal Psychology. Pamilla Ramsden. Practicing Intersubjectively. Peter Buirski. Psychotherapy After Kohut.